A French Connection.

Sitting through four stops on the number two line was a final short stretch in my hour long commute. I used it to sit and appreciate how soon I could sit down in my room for an hour before dinner. I used it to watch hundreds of people everyday whom I didn’t know and who didn’t know me. Then there were the days when I didn’t watch the other people, just let my mind wander. That’s what I must have been doing on this particular day when someone actually spoke to me. I was sitting in my preferred seat, one of the ones which folds out next to the door but you have to stand up if it gets too crowded, she clambered through the door at the Alexandre Dumas stop and sat down next to me. She was not unlike many people I saw on the number 2 line which goes through the north east corner of Paris. She had gray, flyaway hair, few teeth and lots of layers, the sort of woman who probably isn’t nearly as large as she seems simply because of her mannerisms. I paid very little attention but at some point I must have laughed at something I was thinking about. I don’t mean a riotous laugh, just a little smile and inward chuckle, but she jumped on it. She cackled outright and exclaimed, “You saw it too didn’t you?” I looked at her startled but she went on cackling. “Can you believe it?! Some people! No one else saw it. Just us two!” I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about but nodded and forced a bit of a smile. “We’re alike, you and I.” I could not really see what it was that made us alike, even if I had seen whatever it was that she was on about but I continued nodding and then turned to gaze out the window. She continued talking to me, and as I was still new and she spoke quickly I only understood about half of what she was saying. She asked where I was getting off. “Ménilmontant.” She looked surprised and asked why and what I was doing there. I told her I lived there. She told me she was getting off at Belleville. She kept laughing at whatever it was she had seen and telling me that we were alike, that we were both wise and observant. I began to feel that perhaps she was a kindred spirit and enjoyed watching and laughing subtly at the little things people do when they have a moment to themselves on the subway. This made me start to feel guilty that I hadn’t been living up to my claim that I did in fact enjoy people watching on the subway, as I had missed such an apparently fabulous event. And then we arrived at my stop and I got off, leaving her laughing to herself.

-N. Maldari

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Good Ole Fashion Soul Cleansin'

Sweat lodges have an interesting history evolving from ceremonial cleansing experiences into rooms built off of pools in spas and mansions. The Inipi is a ceremony established by the Lakota tribe using a dome frame made of saplings and covered with hides or blankets. Rocks are heated over a fire and then brought inside the shelter where they have water poured over them creating tons of steam. Off of Halfmoon Pond in New Hampshire, there is a place called the Peninsula, one of the only places where I can always find myself at peace. It was here that I had the pleasure of having an inipi with several of my friends on a cool summer night.

We sat around the crackling fire, they sipped beer out of their nalgenes and being only nineteen or twenty at the time they were hesitant to let me have any since we could get fired. Most of the time I wouldn't care about alcohol when I was underaged, but this night had awoken that adolescent rebelliousness of doing something just because I shouldn't. I wanted to have a sip and fit in, so that it could be that time I drank with twenty-somethings around a fire in the woods. I've always liked the culture of drinking and what it does to social interactions. It can be a peacemaker between guys after a fight, or a way of showing romantic or rather sexual interest in a stranger at a bar. Once we got the rocks heated we took to our duties to get the inipi running. Due to lack of animal pelts available we had to use a tarp which worked just fine for us. I was in charge of carrying the heavy hot rocks on a shovel into the inipi which I enjoyed because I felt it proved my worth, not just some scrawny kid but a worker.

The steam was so thick we could hardly see our neighbors under the polyethlene tarp, sitting in just our undies sweating out of every pore. Bringing the burning rocks in grew harder as we had to avoid the half-naked people while crouching through a small door frame into the fog. After around forty five minutes the last two of our group showed up having missed the turn in the woods travelling by the light of one headlamp. I felt like an amphibian from the even glaze of sweat covering me, but once they had enjoyed it enough, we went out into the fresh air and waded into the pond. Usually I am hesitant about such things because the pool is always freezing after the hot tub, but this was cleansing beyond belief. Mother Nature had given me a second baptism and I was born again. I felt so purely cleansed and new. Then as the ultimate cherry on top, my friend started singing Down in the river to pray from the O Brother Where Art Thou? Soundtrack, which happens to be one of my favorite songs of all times. I joined in with a low mumble just getting lost in the moment. This was a moment that summers are made of. The kind of memory I cherish and will fondly think back on when I get older and summer loses the magic of being youthful.

If you don't know the song I'm talking about take a listen here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgVL-rBq9Fw

And if you have a better story, you can one up me by emailing it to thegettingthere@gmail.com

A Princess Diary

“Are you a princess?” The speaker was a boy who couldn’t have been more than four, whose family was cashing out at my register. Children say many things to me at the register, things such as, “No,” when I ask if I can see their toy for a second to get the price, and “um, hold on a sec,” when I tell them I need another dollar. It’s sad to admit, but I can honestly say this is something I’ve always wanted to hear but never thought I would, like, “You’ve just won a million dollars!” or “You got a gnome AND a pith-helmet for your 21^st birthday?” (Guess which one of these really happened.)

I do have somewhat of a background with insecurities around children, which probably feeds into it. In high school, I was one of four assistant directors for a local children’s production of Cinderella. In between the two performances, a five-year-old girl (who happened to be one of my favorite Pumpkins – all the little kids in this production were pumpkins) came up to me, and offered me a sticker, out of the blue (or out of the orange, as it were), proclaiming, “Here’s a sticker! Because you’re great!” I thanked her sincerely, then looked at the sticker and saw that it read “Natalie” while the giver’s name was Maya. But I didn’t care, because she’d told me, unprovoked, that I was great. And she was five, so she couldn’t lie. Touched, I watched her waddle away in her cumbersome fluffy pumpkin costume, right up to a second assistant director, saying, “Here’s a sticker! Because you’re beautiful!”

(When I later told my first boyfriend this story, he told me it was his favorite of all my stories because it summed me up perfectly.)

So when this little boy smiled at me charmingly, looked me right in the eye, and inquired whether I were royalty, part of me thought, “ha HA! Take that, Maya/Natalie! He not only thinks I’m beautiful, but enough to be a PRINCESS!” This is incredibly creepy now that I’ve written it out, even moreso because Maya-Natalie is probably a tween today, OMGing her way through the trials and tribulations of middle school. I smiled back at him and laughed in my best lilting, princessly way (well, more like a lady who pretends to be a princess at kids’ parties, anyway.) This probably scared the crap out of his mother and grandmother, who I tossed a glance at as I answered no, a glance that said, “where on earth would he get such a charming idea?” I think I expected them to say, “why, because you’re so beautiful and sweet!” or “Your voice and laughter are so melodic and winning, and isn’t that a cartoon bluebird I see perched upon your shoulder?” but they said nothing, and I realized that the boy was now pointing at the pins I have on my work apron. One is a giant, rhinestone pin of the word “Sparkle” (which, indeed, sparkles) that came free with a shipment we got in, which I now wear kind of as a joke. That was why he thought I was a princess; he probably thought that was my name. I thought he was asking me what it said, but then he pointed at the female clown face I have pinned near it (another pin I got for free and wear as a joke), asking me who that was. My name in sparkles AND a likeness of a jester –I must have looked like the real deal to him.

The little boy, in fitting with the fairytale theme, was buying a toy frog. Our friendship had been established, so I asked my new buddy if he liked frogs. He answered affirmatively, and I told him that I LOVE frogs and collect them (which is true. I do. But that’s something I only tell real friends… like the whole internet.) I handed him back the frog (he didn’t even get upset when I had to take it away for a second to look at the price – fine upstanding specimen of a kid, indeed!), and he grinned and shouted, “Ribbit! Ribbit, ribbit!” It would have been cute and charming had he not made it jump right onto my hip. His hand was under the apron by now, and that is a boundary. I can’t explain the sacredness of the apron within the confines of the store for me, but for whatever reason, I tend to view it as a customer forcefield. Let’s just say that anything under it is, for lack of better term, a VIP zone. As if that wasn’t enough, he was making it go north. The objective was probably my pins, but you honestly never know with little boys. And he thought I was a princess! “Do you think Kate Middleton would put up with this malarkey?” I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t, not only because he was five, but because I’d established a nice friendly repartee with him, and I couldn’t suddenly become the Miss Trunchbull of sexual harassment. I also couldn’t say what I was really thinking to his relatives, which was, “hey ladies, stop chatting and make your creepy little pervling take his Liliputian grubby paws off me!” So I did what I always do at work: I laughed, not melodically, but in that “I am attempting to veil my horror” way as I looked to his relatives for help. The grandmother realized just in time and reacted in a way that called to mind Broomhilda walking in on Robin Hood trying to undo Maid Marion’s chastity belt before they’re married (it’s from the Mel Brooks masterpiece (it is. Dave Chapelle is in it) Men In Tights, for those of you who aren’t complete nerds. I know that’s not how the real story happens. Or maybe it is. I haven’t read it, but I’m pretty sure there’s no Broomhilda. Eyes widening, almost slow motion darting across the other child in the stroller and her daughter, yelling “NOOO!” (not in slow motion, but still with an admirable fervor.) She grabbed his hand away, saying, “that’s not something we do. That’s not something we do to people we don’t know.” Good Grandma. Then, “You can do that to grandma, but not to strangers.” To wax present-day-Mayaly, WTF? “That’s not appropriate to do to young ladies, but feel free to grope grandma with your toy frog, young Norman. Now be a good boy and remember to make me a nice lamp pull out of your first victim’s lips someday.”

Do I really think this little boy will be the next Ed Gein? No. That was a joke. I think he’s more likely to become a very creative pick-up artist, spotting women in bars and asking them if they’re princesses, then pulling out a battered old squeaky frog toy. “’cause my friend here thinks so.” Then a sudden hop, bypassing the hip route entirely, to the opportune area, “So how about kissing him and turning him into a prince?”

- M. Vidler

Life, death and renaissance festivals.

I've worked summer camps for many summers now. Getting only two hours off a day over 2 week cycles can be very tiring. But between sessions we had thirty-six hours to relax and get ourselves ready for the next wave of campers to arrive. My first summer working at sleep away camp, I was only seventeen years old and as a minor was not allowed to be on camp during those thirty-six with no guardian. And my parents had their own travels to tend to and did not wish to spend four out of thirty-six hours driving me to and from New Hampshire. Because of this, I was forced to find places to stay nearby. One such weekend I stayed with a friend in town (Peterborough, NH the on which Thornton Wilder's Our Town is based) who I had befriended three summers previous when I was still a camper. Friday night was a calm casual night of rental movies and video games which made the next day all the more surreal. I awoke to the arrival of her grandmother who had come to plant blueberry bushes in their garden. I was a little less than stoked at this wake up preferring to sleep more or do anything more suited to my interests. I was an annoying seventeen year old exhausted after a long week but it was an interesting start to the day. We made plans to go to the Vermont Renaissance Festival later but had to wait for her boyfriend to show up and he was busy with other engagements. We passed the time playing with their dogs and watching more television. Shortly after he arrived we found out the tragic news that his father had run over one of the small dogs as he backed out of the winding uphill driveway. The two dogs had the crazy habit of running along side any of the cars coming and going, usually keeping a mere foot away. This time proved to be fatal. The three of us were tasked with taking the corpse in a plastic bag off into the woods and burying. We walked about fifteen minutes jokingly worried that some horror movie was about to start. Three teens wandering into the woods with a corpse and a shovel, one of us in tie dye, camo pants, and big combat boots. Surreal for reality but basically a cliché opener to some slasher flick. We said a few words after the burial and headed back to the house to depart for Vermont. After an hour or two drive, during which I was admittedly cranky from hunger and fatigue we made it to the town the fair was supposedly in. Navigating through side streets we pull up to the address. It was a small house in a knight-free neighborhood. You can imagine our confusion, but upon a closer examination of the flyer we found that this house was just the office and the fair was being held in Massachusetts. We were all less than pleased as we moved with haste to Northfield hoping to make the last few hours of the festival. Just shy of four we pulled the big van into the parking lot excited to finally be there and relieved to be off the road in time to enjoy ourselves. Most things had started winding down to be done by 5, but my friends were nice enough to buy me a dagger to match the one that he had bought making us dagger brothers. It made me feel much better and ashamed about how I had treated them the whole day. This concluded my crazy weekend as we headed back to New Hampshire tired and content. Never have I had a more bizarre weekend bringing things to life, and burying the dead then traveling all over New England. Now 5 years later, after enduring a strange weekend with me they are getting married and I wish the best for both of them. DuCiel and Ben, this post is for you.

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